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elissa_dear
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Name: elissa
Country: United States
State: Texas
Metro: Abilene
Birthday: 5/4/1984
Gender: Female
Interests: vacations and road trips, God, music history (and trying to make it interesting for everyone), hot tea, Germany, good literature, RAIN and spring mornings, the art nouveau era of art, not getting too frazzled and stressed, old houses and buildings, football- esp college, late 18th century through mid 20th century history, keeping the peace, french fries and ice cream, duke basketball, any music by frederic chopin or cecile chaminade, mixed media art, having quiet time, reading a good book w/o falling asleep, arts and crafts/mission style houses and decor, putting things off until the last possible moment in which they can be done and done well and on time (it's a challenge!!), savoring the moments that show us who we truely are....
Expertise: nerts.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Education/Research
Message: message me
AIM:  lissa mb20
Member Since:
10/31/2004
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| Many times you go through schooling and you feel unappreciated, like your work means nothing. You have to somehow find the fortitude to continue onward and hope that someday all the tears and stress will pay off. Yesterday and today (and the past two weeks really) has not been one of those times for me. I feel so incredibly humbled by all the opportunities, comments and feedback I've been getting.
I was looking into the conference I'll be attending in March-- I will be in sessions constantly-- tons of panels about modern Broadway, dance, theatre, popular music, movie music, and women studies. And there are a handful of scholars who I just almost idolize who I'll get to hear them present. And I'm on the program with them.
And yesterday I found out I was accepted to present at the 19th century biennial conference to be held in Southampton. UK. ACK!!! It's at a perfect time: July of next year- I'll be done with my thesis, I'll have time to devote to the extra polishing and research. And then as soon as the conference is over I'll be able to get the materials ready for publishing.
My presentations from this semester got really positive feedback. Students were really interested in the topics-- I researched things that were a bit cheesy- which always made people smile and feel more relaxed (Indians in westerns and the Andrews Sisters-- if nothing else it was nostalgia). My goal with presentations is to have a lot of "bells and whistles" as a fellow classmate joked ("what bells and whistles will you pull out this time elissa?")-- videos, images, pretty powerpoints. My goal is to introduce an idea, but propose questions as well. Make you think about a subject. That way, you are completely engaged and at the end, gosh darn it, you'll ask me questions. Because it truly is my favorite part. Ask me more- I know a ton of material, and I'd love to share more. Anyway, it seems that this semester I was able to polish my presentation skills even further and was really happy with the end results.
And really, upon talking to professors and fellow classmates, it seems that no one worries about my abilities- there's no question that I'll finish a task on time, that I'll get an assignment done. I constantly question how I'll do it, but there's so much confidence from my friends and my department-- it's very humbling that so many people have so much faith in me. There's been other talks of things recently, of praise, of early morning emails exchanged about me, but I'll just stop now before this appears to be boastful. I just am flabbergasted and honored.
But one story I must retell. Today my students had an assignment due at 4 pm. I had a meeting that lasted until about 415, and went downstairs to grab the last minute listening guides. In runs a student. He's a freshman- first semester. Okay we need a back story... First day of class, upon learning that there was another student with his same name, he said to me, oh no worries, you can just call me Captain Awesome. He's that type of student-- a class clown, but not a troublemaker. His joy is infectious. I really really enjoyed having him in class- he would always start the class on discussions when no one else would talk, he was never afraid to ask questions. About half way through the semester, he missed about two weeks of classes. Found out later he just had that time that seemingly all freshman do-- they slack off, get overwhelmed. But he ended strong. On the last quiz, I wrote little notes to some of the more dedicated or improved students, telling them how proud I was of their work. On his quiz, I told him that I hope college didn't wear away his joy- that I really appreciated him, and at the end I said "congrats on surviving your first semester, captain awesome.' Back to today... He comes running into the mailroom breathless. After handing me his paper, he said, your note meant so much to me-- I didn't want to make an emotional scene after class, but thanks for what you said. I really loved your class; do you teach anything else-- I want to take another class with you.
And that's why I do what I do. Not for the lethargic frat boys. Or the skippers who try to weasel their way out of everything. It's for the Captain Awesomes who may not make the best grades, but who at the end of the semester almost had tears in their eyes because they liked what my class was all about.
I am so humbled- I don't know what I did to deserve great friends, wonderful students, and the people of academia who are accepting my work. But I just will keep on doing what I'm doing and see where I can go from here.
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| I am not a gambling person, I don't know why I thought I could start.
Final exam yesterday/today. Format: 8 essay topics that you prepare. 5 will appear on the exam (randomized by blackboard) and then you write on 3.
So I'm preparing my essays yesterday. 4 of which I'm really happy with- think I have good insights, GREAT examples from outside of class, decent overall observations. Exciting. 2 more I feel fairly confident in writing on. and 2 others I really had no idea what to say-- I had a thesis statement, but those prompts I left until last and was feeling so drained that I never really finished them.
So recap
4- great
2- okay
2- never will write on
My odds are good, right? My parents asked about the exam and I explained, well even if those bad two appear, I'll have the other three to choose. What's the worst that can happen?.... that which happened on the exam.
Of the five that blackboard randomly picked.... 2 were the ones I knew I wouldn't write on. 2 were the ones that I could do alright on. And 1-- only ONE of four was something I could be confident of.
I guess the good part is that I finished the two okay ones so fast that I completed the exam with an hour to spare.
Oh well. 'Tis life. I have lived and learned.
I am done for the semester with my school work; I am headed to do some Christmas shopping. Many moons ago my mother lost an opal ring that she had hand picked the setting and the stone. She has been just heart sick ever since. So dad wants me to find a jeweler here that can help her create a replacement. We'll see how that goes. Still on track to have somewhat of a rough draft of a lit review ready for tuesday. Bibliography and outline complete. Outlines of rest of sections complete. Just have to fill in the blanks now.
Gotta start running errands.... Now just have to explain to maggie that we cannot have cuddle time until after my shopping exploits.
Oh yes, just a small aside: The lack of common sense of my students astounds me at times. I have one who has yet to turn in an assignment in the correct format. I told them to submit an essay on blackboard- he hands in a handwritten essay in class [how old fashioned]. I tell them to put the completed listening guide in my mailbox, he emails it to me. Another student just emailed me that she slipped the assignment under the door of the mail room since the room was locked. Honey-- that is a public space, I will never get that paper- especially if you didn't put my name in the heading. Was it impossible to come back during the daylight hours? (She sent me the message at 2 am this morning). Oh well, another thing I guess I'll work to incorporate into my lessons, along with how to write complete sentences, not plagiarize, and what bibliographic citations are.
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| Do you know why I started this blog? The beginning of my junior year at McM, I was introduced to a group of freshman band kids that were amazing. They were a breath of fresh air. Jenn, Cassie, Kenley, Robert, Tim, Aubrey. We hung out constantly. I think it was Tim who suggested we all get xangas. And I had been wanting to start journal'ing online. So I figured why not. I could chronicle all of our exploits. Within a year, my group was reduced to essentially Jenn. And Kenley and Robert at times. But this xanga remained. And I find today, over four years later, I'm one of the few who regularly updates this thing.
And [not to be melodramatic or anything, but...] I found out today one of us never will be on here again.
It's such a waste. Such a sad sad waste. Tim, you were the smartest of all of us. You had more natural talent on the piano than I could ever hope for. You could have been a music major on french horn, on voice, on whatever you chose. You could have gone so far and done so much. I still believed med school was within your grasp had you the desire to do so. And now you aren't even with us anymore.
This semester has been rough for so many people. So much loss. So much change. So much heartache and stress. I feel as if I'm not feeling this enough-- like I'm floating on the surface of a big pool of emotions but somehow I keep only skimming the top layers. Once again, I'm removed from my beloved McM, so I don't see the tears first hand. I can't fathom one of us being gone.
The necessary lissa life update: I've survived. I've made it through. Tomorrow is the last day of my first semester of teaching. I'm lecturing on modern broadway and the last work they'll hear is some selection from spring awakening. Sunday at 1:30 pm at the absolute latest, I'll be done with my coursework for the semester. And then I have to buckle down, man up, and get this damn thesis written. First step: a lit review. Goal: a rough draft of it done before I go home for Christmas. Lofty and idealistic? Quite possibly.
To the original xanga'ns:
Jenn, I love you honey- there are no words to describe how much you mean to me. Cassie my dear, I'm glad to know you still are reading this, and I'm glad we are back in touch. Kenley, if you read this, know I am here for you anytime my dear. Aubrey, I know the sands of time drove us apart somehow, but do know I look back at that year with incredibly fond memories and hope that you do too. And to Timothy. I cannot listen to something corporate and not think of you. hear konstantine and not think of you playing it in one of the practice rooms. look at the windows of martin hall and not envision you climbing into your room. see my truck and not think of the saran wrap or the night we spent camped out in the back end. see an old ratty beat up flip phone and not think of you hanging up after one minute, keep using it after the microphone went out, after the antenna broke off. I hate that things had to turn out this way.
I've been thinking of migrating my writing over to blogger. Start anew. Not shut this down, but just not update it anymore. This might be a good time to do so. It feels like the end of an era; I've been holding onto this for so long, maybe I should move on. I'll let everyone know the new link if I decide to do so.
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| I am beyond frustrated with ILL people right now. I just had to rant for a brief moment. Over the summer, I found out my "in" at ILL was leaving. Jenni was my hero, my angel. I was going to bake her a cake when my thesis was done because I couldn't have gotten all my magazines without her. She always was my advocate. But she left very suddenly and uneventfully. I had no idea how big a problem this would become.
You see, she was always on top of things. If you requested something, within a couple of hours, it was processed and sent on its way to various libraries to pick up (I don't understand the process, but the request was out there for others to see and fulfill). Today, you are lucky if your request is processed within two or three days. It's ridiculous.
... aside, yes, I know- back in the day.... I should be thanking my lucky stars for this service. 20 years ago this wasn't possible, yada yada yada. I am very grateful we have this, I just need to complain about work ethics.
Furthermore, Jenni would always resubmit requests that didn't go through the system, ensure all the pertinent information was included so that the request was done right the first time. She was a model of accuracy and efficiency. She'd also work to have your due dates extended if need be.
This semester I have:
-- been blocked from ILL for a book being 3 days overdue- due on a friday, I turned it in monday. (and then all my requests cancelled- thus having to go back in and start the process over again). [btw, I had a book a week late last year, nothing happened.]
-- checked out a book one day to find that it was due in less than a week. and I couldn't renew it because I hadn't tried to renew it earlier (how could I? I just got the book).
-- waited for a month to have a request filled only to have it not be the right thing. Jenni would have fixed it herself, but they told me to just submit again-- and now the request is unprocessed. I won't get it in time for my project.
-- heard the workers say "oh I only have 50 requests that at some point I need to go through." That's 50 books that students need that you have piled up.
--on multiple occasions, waited for 30 minutes while they hunt down a book because it wasn't where it should be, because they decided to send it back without telling me, or because they put in a special place since I was blocked.
I just have an issue with all of ILL now because they don't seem to care. And they seem inept. They only see it as requests. Not vital information that students need. They just see the hassle of it, not the service they are providing. I'm sick inside because I don't know how to gauge when to request materials. If I do it a month in advance to ensure the book will get there, it might not. And if it does, now the due dates are so close to when you check it out, you have no time whatsoever to look at the book. I have no idea what will happen in the future with this. I just hope people begin to see the major major problems at hand and try to fix them.
My Andrews Sisters project is finished for the most part. I cut so much material from this presentation that I am depressed. It's a shell of what I had hoped to accomplish. But it's 21 minutes. And so tomorrow I'll just talk fast and hope for the best. I don't have the heart to edit more- that's all I did yesterday-- I started out at 35 minutes. Then 29 after cutting a movie and a song. It has only gone down from there.
Now it's time to start trying to parse out how I can take soooo much information on Native American portrayals in film and get it into a 20 minute musicology presentation with insightful comments.
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| no time to talk really. just a brief checking in to say I'm alive, hanging on by a thread (and that thread's name is Maggie I'm certain).
I'm dealing with disenfranchised students with "I don't give a damn" written all over their faces on an every other day basis. I've given up on other plans and resorted to the 'let me tell you a bit about this kind of music, and let me give you tips on how to understand that music' rather than 'let's critically listen and analyze this piece.' I'm dealing with my first major case of plagiarism (3/4ths of the paper was copied and pasted from two websites)-- laying down the law with the student on Wednesday. Also on Wednesday will be the last quiz of the semester- a wrapping up of musical eras/styles in a sense-- 6 examples- one question- from what era do you think this came (multiple choice), and then 3 questions asking them to describe what they hear. Of course the "holy crap miss- how do you expect us to do that?!" ensued today. They'll get over it. I have made it quite simple but they must whine of course. [that quiz is probably a format which I will not repeat next semester, but since I structured the course as I did this semester, I felt the need to come full circle to help them remember some of the stuff we discussed. there's lots to rethink over the christmas break.]
I'm also dealing with multiple class presentations of my own which are going nowhere. One is in a format I am comfortable with, but I'm finding out it's not what the professor wants, and I don't know how to fix that in the time I have. The other presentation is on a wild goose chase, going nowhere fast. And I'm concerned on both accounts.
Also on the docket, one final exam, a little more class readings, writing up a thesis proposal (finishing what was started almost a year ago), and writing up a national conference presentation. Oh and grading a final quiz, a final concert report, and a final listening guide. Lots and lots of grading.
Thanksgiving break entailed 'resting' for me. I would say sleeping- there were some naps, but more than anything, it was being forced to stare at the shiny new tv at home while trying not to freak out. I was having some sort of cold or allergy issues. Medicine wasn't helping. I had to sit in a recliner, leaned back (so no reading or computer work-- ick) so that I wouldn't constantly be blowing my nose or needing to sneeze. My parents were angels- waiting on me hand and foot- even though I wanted to help them. I made them let me cook thanksgiving dinner and decorate the christmas tree. There were lots of tears because yes, I need to relax and rest. But not when there's so much work to be done.
Being back in lubbock just compounds the stress. The amount of crap that must be done in a short time span. It's somewhat evenly spaced out, there's just so much entailed in each task. I came home after a trip to the grocery store that ended up taking an hour (when it should have taken 20 minutes) in tears. But Maggie greeted me like I was a rock star, and everything was immediately better.
Back to trying to fix the impossible presentation.
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